We all make wishes on fallen eyelashes or wishbones. We always wish for what we want, the ideal lover or a windfall of money. We have these images in our mind of how life “should” be to make us happy.  No one wishes to NOT get what they want, but what if not getting what you want in the way you want it, leads to exactly what you need. The end goal of all wishes….to be free.

We all have goals and desires based on our values and our perceptions of the “right” way to do things that maintain our identity. When something happens in our lives that is a major deviation from what we saw for ourselves, our identity can be shaken to it’s core. Who am l now that this did not work out as l had planned it? What do l make of my life and sense of myself now that l have not achieved this cherished goal?

Count yourself lucky if after a terrible disappointment you have begun to ask yourself these questions because you are on the road to getting what may be greater than your deeply longed for wish. Freedom.

What kind of freedom am l talking about and how could that possibly make up for a broken heart? Well, maybe “make up for”is not exactly how it is experienced. When the door closes in a shockingly gut wrenching way to what you wanted, you will probably find yourself staring at that door for a long time in disbelief.  You will go over in your mind the events that lead to this disappointment and desperately try to scramble to make sense of what happened, who is to blame or how to do it better next time to make sure that NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN! Your identity is pretty much bargaining on how to escape changing and what can feel a bit like dying.

As strange as it may sound thinking you NEEDED that wish to come through was the trap. That wish trapped you in conditional happiness along with a huge heaping of self judgement and judgement of others too. After mustering all the compassion you have access to, allow yourself to grieve your loss.  You can then begin to embrace the transformation of who you are now becoming. You have lightened your load of perfectionism and maybe the wall between us and them has come down. You feel a greater sense of your own humanity and are more connected to all those other humans who don’t get what they want either. Which is all of them.